I have to be honest, I was highly skeptical.
The idea that we strap a six-pack abs shocker butterfly to our brains and that it’s going to solve some brain dysfunction seemed quite far-fetched.
My mum did a series of treatments a few years ago and she certainly became a different person. A kinder, smarter, and happier person.
Seeing the effect it had on her, I had no arguments for why not to do it.
The first time
After a full brain MRI and a detailed map and analysis of my brain, I was finally cleared and sat in the dreaded chair.
There was no hat, just some gentle brushing and stroking of my hair with a metallic thingy. Apparently, it works in tandem with some cameras to calibrate my head and points the technician, a neurologist, on where to put the paddle.
Once aligned with the right area of my brain, which for me is front right, she started zapping. The first zap sent my left hand flying.
That was to establish my tolerance level, which in my case turned out to be super low. I barely needed any electricity.
At first, my jaw would clench, but eventually it was just barely a twitch in my right eye. Before I knew it, the session was over.
Just a few minutes, a pretty quick rhythm, and I was sent on my merry way.
A smile didn’t leave my face for the entire rest of the day. Nothing changed but how I felt about it did.
After a few more sessions
I am a little sad that I’m still on Noofen, so I can’t be 100 percent sure that this is purely the TMS alone working. Maybe they’re working in concert.
For years, if I had any access to sweets or snacks and was left one on one with them, well, they were consumed. It didn’t much matter how much of it I had.
Now this has changed. It was as if I didn’t have to consume them anymore. I almost didn’t believe it or understand it at first.
I could have a small bar of chocolate or just a part of it, something a normal person would consider a reasonable portion. I could simply leave the rest of it for the next time. And the next time didn’t have to be in a few minutes. It could be after the next meal or even tomorrow.
The weirdest thing is that to most people this is how it should be. But to me it is unfathomable. Ever since I can remember myself as a child, if I had access to sweets, they had to be consumed because maybe there would be none next time.
Growing up poor and basically alone does weird things to your mind. That’s what my neurologist explained is happening. She is stimulating a part of the brain that has become atrophied in me, one that never got to develop in my childhood because of the circumstances I grew up in.
That guy from Limitless
I can honestly say that if you like that guy from Limitless, well, it’s not quite like that. I certainly don’t feel smarter. I don’t have greater intelligence or a more fundamental understanding of everything around me. My IQ certainly hasn’t jumped a few points.
What has changed is my ability to execute on what I already know I should be doing.
Before the treatment and before Noofen, the way I would describe my brain is there were two people inside me. One knew what to do. The other did not give a crap.
So I could create plans and ideas and things that I had to do. Then the other guy would jump in and derail all the plans of the responsible person.
Right now it’s an interesting feeling. I can’t say I’m like a robot without emotions. If anything I feel more alive and more emotional. But I can act on the correct things I know I need to be doing.
That doesn’t mean ignoring the things I want to be doing. It also doesn’t mean not finding time for fun, games, relaxation, or pleasure. If anything, I’m doing a lot more of that now.
I think everything in life needs balance, and right now I can implement it. I’m insanely more productive than I used to be. I rest a lot more. I sleep a lot more.
Before, a lot of time would be spent servicing my anxieties by being distracted with unnecessary things. Right now it feels like the anxieties have taken a step back. Because I don’t have to spend so much bandwidth addressing them, I feel like I’m a much stronger and more capable human being.
Cautiously optimistic
As incredible as the transformation truly is, the thing I find absolutely scary and disheartening is that I see the progress. I understand the mechanics of why it is so. I am surrounded by evidence and proof in terms of doctors and scientific studies on the fact that this works.
Yet my brain tries to find some flaw in all of this to show why it’s going to fall apart.
This is some sort of automatic response where childhood experiences inform my brain that things cannot just work out and be good. They always have to fall apart. There is no chance of there being true success, joy, or happiness in my life.
My brain is used to worrying and ignoring the fact that I’ve been more successful than I was ever likely to be. Things are in fact good and I should just be happy and enjoy my life.
The beauty is that I understand this now. I see how it can be. I’m very cautious about any statement saying that I’ll never be the same again. But honestly, I will be pretty much different. I’d be surprised if I ever regressed to who I was before. And I would certainly do everything in my power to stay on this track.
TMS and Noofen have been the magical bullet for me. I can’t wait to see what the future will bring.
