“Easy” cardio day. Arguably, Wednesdays are the easiest day of my week. I simply must do 60 mins of any cardio exercise and I can tick the workout daily task.
It’s kind of mind-blowing to say that to me. In my mind, I am still not far from the 200kg guy, to whom just standing was painful. The fact that getting up before 6am, going to the gym, going consistently hard for an hour on a cross trainer and then getting off it without dying is an “easy” day — it’s still not something I’m used to.
All these cool new things my new body can do like walking uphill, boxing with actual power output and speed, doing supersets of really tough exercises… There was a time when I couldn’t (or wouldn’t let myself) dream of them.
The scariest thing about obesity and the inevitable physical decline that comes with it is that it comes so gradually. Shifts happen not only in your body, but also in your mind.
You do less, so you have less energy, so you do even less. Then something happens and you abandon some healthy habit. Then one by one you pick up unhealthy habits and before you know it, the person you see in the mirror is someone you though you could never be.
It’s actually kind of the same when you’re heading in the different direction, only much more noticeable and thus depressing. You force yourself to develop new healthy habits, you are constantly stressed and hyper focused on not falling off the bandwagon. You put in an insane amount of effort and see almost no result for a long time.
At around 200kg walking is hell, every joint is overloaded, your back is giving out, you want to lie down and die with every step. But you force yourself through it for a day, a week, a month. You struggle with the exercise. It becomes harder and more painful every day as the damage done yesterday has not healed yet and now you’re back at it again. And guess what? Nothing changes.
After a month, there is no visible difference in the mirror. The scales don’t show the difference, because they don’t go over 185kg. Depression is banging at your door and everything in your body and mind screams — stop, this is pointless, let’s just sit down and watch tv and eat.
I have done that so many times. I have failed myself so many times.
Obesity is hell. Stay away at all costs.