Day 3. Man oh man, I’m feeling it. I am feeling motivated and focused on my goal.
Having a daily checklist is really neat, as part of the problem for me usually is getting caught up in the daily grind and forgetting/neglecting my self improvement goals.
The fact that it can be completed and repeats daily is also great as I’ve tried making checklists before, but I would never fully accomplish them. Some of the tasks would hang in there for months, creating anxiety and making me not want to open the todo list.
Having a short-term goal is also amazing. Part of the problem when you’re morbidly obese is that the goal post is blurry and usually years away.
It’s somewhat easy to motivate oneself for a week or two, but willpower usually runs out before habits get built. That’s how yo-yo dieting happens, unfortunately a norm amongst most obese people.
50 days feels realistic. I’ve had longer gym and perfect dieting streaks. I believe I can accomplish it. It’s not willpower alone that fuels the drive, it’s optimism, habits and routines that were already in place that boost my confidence. This is by no means easy, but I believe that I can accomplish this.
You have no idea how much that last paragraph means to me, because having faith and belief in myself — self confidence, knowing that I will fulfil a promise made to myself and not ditch it for one reason or another is incredible.
My word is my bond when it comes to the world around me. But for far too long, have I been an absolutely unreliable lying piece of shit when it comes to making promises to myself. I now feel like a new page has already turned. I don’t know when it happened, but it’s certainly here now. Letting myself down is out of the question now.
There was a thought that really resonated with me in one of Jordan Peterson’s books — some of us sometimes whine, feel unfairly mistreated or complain about the weight of our responsibilities – be it providing for your family or studying or simply getting out of bed in the morning (everyone’s mountain is different). But the interesting part is — without difficulty and responsibility life is meaningless and its joys temporary, vague and surface level.
I remember citing the statistics on morbidly obese people losing weight (coming to a healthy BMI) and then of those maintaining that new healthy BMI 2,3,5+ years after.
They were not good. Statistical analysis states that the likelihood of someone with a BMI of 44+ (while my BMI was 59 at one point) getting down to a healthy weight without bariatric surgery was 1 in 1290 (or 0.07751%).
So the likelihood that I will fail is 99.92%. I used to think about this and get really sad. Like deathly sad.
But now… All I can think about is — what a cool number to beat. What a cross to bear. What an awesome story my son is gonna get to tell his children.