I’m the sole provider in my family, have been for many years now. I find this fact fascinating, as there was a time I would shudder at the thought.
For so many years, knowing that the only thing separating me and my wife from being out in the streets, cold and hungry was me and my work — was an unbearably difficult thought.
I would dip my toes into it and chicken out.
Embracing the thought felt scary and uncomfortable, so I would regularly switch my attention to something else and try to forget about it.
Recently however, a thought in Jordan Peterson’s Beyond Order rocked my worldview and my experience of this responsibility.
Who would I be without this precious responsibility? What reason would I have to grow, to mature and become a better person?
I feel I am still very childish at heart in many ways and I’m ok with most of them. However I have grown as a result of knowing that if it’s not me — my child goes hungry. If it’s not me — my wife goes cold.
This weight may feel like a curse at times, but truly it’s the greatest blessing. An ultimate, real, tangible reason to grow, work hard, develop and evolve.
I want my son to be a better man than me, but if I’m an irresponsible shithead, that would be something he could outgrow before he gets his drivers licence.
I don’t want my son to be a bully, but I need him to know how to fight well, but if I am physically weak and can’t stand up for myself, what example am I setting?
I want my wife to feel safe and comfortable, so I must work hard, learn everything I can and follow a path of continual career and social growth.
There are many more great reasons to evolve. Some are personal and not related to my son or my wife, however I am forever grateful for the extra drive I get from them.
Thankful for giving me another reason to be something and someone worthwhile.