Saying no to a piece of candy yesterday was highly out of character for me.
So much so that when the thought hit my mind, it kind of broke my meditation and derailed my focus. Today, I decided I was done waiting and eager to start writing.
I only remember saying no to candy a few times in my life. All of those times were when I was on a carnivore diet and it felt unbelievably difficult.
Yesterday, I was at a friend’s place. We were having tea and he offered some celebration candy.
There I was with a huge plate full of all kinds of Mars brand candies in front of me, able to have whatever I wanted and however many I liked — and I had zero.
I have to be honest, I actually wanted one. I wanted a Snickers. I searched through the pile but they were all taken out. So I just said, “Okay, no thank you. I’m good.”
I like other pieces of candy too. I’m a big fan of Twix and Bounty, both of which were available.
And yet, I said no. Because at that moment, I simply did not want candy.
To most normal people who have a healthy brain this is probably normal — I’m assuming. I honestly have no idea.
But ever since I was a little child, if by some miracle I had access to candy, you better believe I was going to consume it.
I’m a little sad that I can’t tell if this change is due to TMS, Noofen, or both. Hopefully not both, because I’d like to be off the pills sooner rather than later. The very thought of being on pills forever isn’t great.
However, I can definitely say that something is working and something inside me is changing.
Fighting the Wrong Battles
For years, I’ve tried diets and weight loss marathons, only to sooner or later return to my “normal,” which is stuffing my face with insane amounts of calories.
It hurt to admit that my brain was misbehaving and doing something a healthy brain would do differently. Something a person with a childhood like mine might struggle with.
Right now feels like a new beginning. I am filled with optimism and a peaceful confidence that this time will be different.
Final Thoughts
This small victory feels bigger than just saying no to candy. It feels like reclaiming control and rewriting old habits that no longer serve me. Whatever part of me is changing, I plan to nurture it and keep moving forward. Every small win counts on this journey.
